Namesake

Today is the Feast day of one incredible woman (in my opinion)
St. Catherine of Siena.  I was given a great gift the day I was
born -- her name.

When asked whom I am named after -- an Aunt, grandmother, mother?  I would respond and still do, "No, I actually I was named after St. Catherine of Siena."  I would sometimes get the "Um, ohhhh, that's nice" response or the "Oh, I see, that is different" or just a blank stare.  But for some reason, even at a very early age I never thought this was strange or out of the ordinary.  On the contrary I was really confident and proud of it and I attribute that boldness to St. Catherine's intercession, for if you know much about her she was quite a bold woman!

I attribute my "fiery" personality to her and pray that it is a "holy fiery" personality although I think many days it is just "fiery." I sometimes pray, "St. Catherine put holy fire on my tongue and make me bold and courageous as you were, but if this is just me then please zip my mouth up and not let me speak."  As you might be getting -- a lot of times it was/is just me!

She was a woman with unwavering love for the Lord.  She sought Him out in everything she did. Many of her writings are still way over my head but I marvel at her intellect, her generosity of spirit, and for her great humility.  And oh yea, her boldness -- but I think I already mentioned that.  But really how many people can tell the Pope, "hey you need to get back to Rome!"

St. Catherine has held me through every dark hour, every great joy, and everything in between.  I turn to her in prayer for guidance through the Lord and revere her as a great model of how I hope to be daily.

I was not the only one in my family named after a Saint.  My brother Nicholas after St. Nicholas and my sister Gabrielle after St. Gabriel.  Every year on the feast day (the day of their death) we would get spoiled with a gift.  When we were little we thought this was the best -- a special day just for each of us.  Dad would get flowers for me every year, or when I got older send me an e-mail card wishing me a happy feast day.  Sometimes I felt a little weird -- I was getting all the glory and gifts and it was St. Catherine who gave her life for Christ in an incredible way.  She was the Saint, not me.  But what I realized is that by celebrating her day it was only drawing me closer to her by giving glory to her for the life she lived for Christ.

So, needless to say over the years I have accumulated A LOT of things having to do with St. Catherine.  I have been given countless icons of her and prayer cards abound.  I think I have every writing she ever wrote or biography, etc. that was written about her and in college I would write out quotations by her, like this one, "If you are what you should be, you will set the world ablaze."  I would stick these quotations in my journal or Bible to remind me on days when I was having a hard time.

When I went to Rome on a Pilgrimage through the Archdiocese of Boston in 1994 I was blessed with a day excursion to Santa Maria Sopra Minerva where St. Catherine is buried. (I tried to find the picture of me at the church but can't seem to find it).

I went back to Rome in 2001 for four months to study and you think I would have gone to Siena (her place of birth) and to the church where her head is kept (don't ask).  But, no, in 2001 I was thinking more about discotheques and boys.  Sigh... I would do thinks very different this time around.  But someday I do hope to go to Siena and spend time here and to walk the streets that she walked, sit where she sat, and pray where she prayed.

Today is a day to celebrate but it also is going to be hard.  It makes me think of Dad and the way he fostered this love of St. Catherine and made me feel so special (and Mom too, of course).

I pray that my girls, Cecilia and Mary-Clare will get to know "their" Saints and regard them, love them and have the same pride to be named after St. Cecilia, and Our Lady of Sorrows and St. Clare (she got the mother load) the way I have been blessed by being named after St. Catherine.

I wish I could be a fly on the wall today up in Heaven listening to the great conversation I bet my Dad and St. Catherine are having or maybe they are just sitting around eating pizza (as the girls would say) with Jesus.

ALLELUIA!

Alleluia! He is Risen! ALLELUIA! 

When I close my eyes and think of Dad today I envision him rejoicing up above with his parents, his brother and all his descendants, all the angels and saints (you get the picture) saying something to this effect: 

"Praise you Lord Jesus, Holy are Your, Lord Jesus, Glory and Honor to You, Lord Jesus. You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life, You are the Great I AM, You who died for our sins and was risen from the dead..."

Wonder of your Sacrifice

It has been a few weeks since my last post. I wish I had a computer plug that could attach straight to my brain because I have been writing blog posts in my head during this last bit of time and have had the hardest time sitting down to type all these thoughts out.

With the Easter Triduum upon us my thoughts are constantly going to Jesus' last days and hours. The end of Lent is near and I am not going to lie, I am ready for the Glory. I know that sounds selfish but this has been a long and hard Lent. I think I will call it the "Lent of Avoidance." Lent is a time (among many things) to let the Lord weed through our heart and uproot bad habits, selfishness, and to clear things out so to speak so we can be prepared for the glory that Easter brings.  But this Lent I have been more like a petulant child than a mature woman standing before the Lord. I have been saying things like, "Go away" rather than "Come on in."

I think it is a natural thing after someone dies to close up a bit and rely on distractions to help function but I have to laugh at the persistence of our Lord because He knows how stubborn I can be and yet I know he won't give up until I let Him have what I don't want to see or feel.

But Easter is not here yet and we still have to walk through these last days before we can say the beautiful "A" word! I have been thinking a lot in particular about Jesus' time at the Mount of Olives. For me at least, it shows how human Jesus truly was. How much he struggled, how he was afraid, and sad.

Luke 22: 42, 44 saying, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me; still, not my will but yours be done...(He was in such agony and he prayed so fervently that his sweat became like drops of blood falling on the ground).

Thinking of Jesus' death I can't help but think of Dad's. And no I am not comparing my Dad to Jesus so before I end up on some crazy blog saying that David Thorp's daughter thinks her Dad is Jesus or something of that nature.  But Jesus was human and my Dad was human so in that sense yes, they are the same. Jesus is and was the same as us. He had the same struggles, fears, and joys.  He understands and He knows because He was just like us.  Thank you Dad for helping me appreciate and start to understand this amazing truth!

I do believe that Dad's final moments were really tough ones.  Thinking about those last breath's is really hard and yet some days I find myself obsessively thinking about them.  I say to myself, "stop" but I can't -- almost like picking at a scab when you know you need to let it be.

I don't know what Dad said or did during those moments but when I close my eyes and think about it I think immediately to the criminal asking for mercy next to Jesus on the cross.  I don't think my Dad was a vicious criminal, he was the opposite but I think we can all be that criminal asking for Christ's mercy.  I pray that on my dying day I will have the same courage and humility.

Lord, remember me when you come into your kingdom. Luke 23: 42

I think of Dad asking for the very same thing and the Lord responding by carrying his soul up into Paradise.

Dad wrote this little prayer at the bottom of a reflection a few years back:
           "Eucharistic Lord, catch us up into the wonder of your sacrifice that transcends all time."

I pray that you too will be caught up in that same wonder, as I will
be -- filled with gratitude and joy for a Lord that loves us beyond all measure.