One year.
I never thought I would be doing this blog because well, I never thought Dad would not be here. In the midst of all the sadness and pain of his loss came this blog, where Dad's voice could live on and people could be filled up with the Love of the Lord. I think Dad is happy about the blog, although I am sure he would be a little sheepish not wanting the focus to be on him. Dad I know tried to live out being an instrument for the Lord, he strived for it daily and I know if here he would admit that some days he did better than others but I think that is the example he leaves for us -- never stop striving. For me, Dad still remains that instrument and I am sure for many others too.
Many of these posts have been taken from the external hard drive where Dad saved EVERYTHING. But I don't think Dad has any reflections on the anniversary of his death. So, while in the shower I prayed and asked Dad this question, "Dad what do you want me to say?" Immediately what popped into my head was, "Come, follow me." But it wasn't Dad saying these words but Jesus standing a couple feet behind Dad saying again, "Come, follow me." I turn to Dad again and say, "Dad?" But Dad doesn't respond and instead it is Jesus standing there with His hand outstretched and I say "Lord, don't give up on me." The response I heard was, "I will NEVER give up on you. I will NEVER abandon my children." I think those words were not only for me, but for Dad, and for everyone.
You see, this past year my relationship with God has had some pretty crappy moments (I could try to use an eloquent word to express this but crappy seems about the only way to sum it up). We have had our ups and downs, the Lord and I, and in moments have felt so angry and so sad that on this journey I have wanted to run for the hills and for that my faith has suffered. So, when I heard these words today I was overwhelmed because the truth is that even if I was on the farthest hill I know the Lord would be right there, just like He was right there with Dad, just like He is with us always, despite our best efforts to keep Him at bay. He is EMMANUEL.
This date will never be just another cold, winters day. It will be an anniversary -- and so today we try our best to remember the joy Dad brought to us, the life made richer because of him, and the future of knowing that someday God willing we will have the BEST reunion with him in Heaven.
Love you Dad.
