You are mine

I am not going to lie, this last week and half or so leading up to today hasn't been pretty for me.  Father's Day memories are filled with many handmade cards, ugly pottery pieces (that he treasured), ties, shirts, books, and more ties...

I have asked God more than once why he gave me such an incredible Dad.  I have had friends say, "Your Dad is the best, I wish I had your Dad."  And I am not going to lie, he was pretty great.  Granted, Dad and I had our fair share of ups and downs -- there were probably a few traumatic moments while he was trying to help me with my homework growing up... But honestly I think anyone trying to help me figure out word problems in sixth grade would probably want to bop me over the head after about an hour!  Seriously, word problems are so unnecessary!!!

To me, Dad was my "Jesus."  In every way to me Dad was like the living version of Jesus... with his intelligence, conviction, peaceful manner, unconditional love, and even beard! I remember when I was little seeing a picture in our dining room and I seriously thought it was a picture of Jesus, but it was my Dad in his younger years!

Dad was my "go to guy."  I feel really lost without him as I know my siblings and my Mom do.

I envision the Lord saying in the midst of these "lost" moments something to the effect of, 

"Peace child, You are Mine."

I have been thinking a lot about this phrase, "You are Mine."  When Dad died I was the first there and to many they say, "I am sorry it had to be you."  I know this might sound strange but I am so glad it was me.  Being the oldest of my siblings I feel like it is my role to be the one to protect them and to bear the brunt on some of the pain for their sake.  When I found Dad on the floor I ran to him and I don't know why I did what I did next but I immediately lied right on top of him and just started saying, "No, Dad, You are Mine, You are MY DAD!" over and over again... I have never, ever said those words before to him. It felt like I was lying there for an hour but it was more like 30 seconds. 

Why did I say, "You are Mine?" over and over again.  I am still meditating on it... I searched online for Bible passages that included the words, "you are mine."  If Dad was here then I could just go straight to him and he would be able to tell me immediately from memory where I could find all the passages -- so smart! But google will have to do in lieu of Dad.  And what do you know, it all started to make sense once I started reading Isaiah. 

Isaiah Chapter 43. How amazing you are Oh Lord! Below are verses 1 -7: 

But now thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob, and formed you, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name: you are mine. 

When you pass through the water, I will be with you; in the rivers you shall not drown. When you walk through fire, you shall not be burned; the flames shall not consume you. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your savior. 

I give Egypt as your ransom, Ethiopia and Seba in return for you. 

Because you are precious in my eyes and glorious, and because I love you, I give men in return for you and peoples in exchange for your life. 

Fear not, for I am with you; from the east I will bring back your descendants, from the west I will gather you. 

I will say to the north: Give them up! and to the south: Hold not back! Bring back my sons from afar, and my daughters from the ends of the earth: 

Everyone who is named as mine, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made. 

Today, I hold on to all the joyful memories.  I think of Dad today rejoicing with his father, with my Godfather and all the other father's who have gone before us that are now delighting in their children, grandchildren, Godchildren, etc... not from afar but with us always in our hearts. 

I leave you with something I found that Dad wrote about God the Father:

"It is Jesus who loves His Father even more than life itself.  For the sake of the Father’s plan the Eternal Word emptied Himself and became a human, humbled Himself and accepted crucifixion.  Jesus does all for the glory of the Father, to make the Father known, to establish the Kingdom of the Father, to bring us into a relationship with the Father.    Jesus chooses to reveal to us the fullness of the Father that He might draw us into intimacy with the Father.  If we can reflect very carefully on what Jesus says about His Father and what Jesus does in the name of His Father maybe we can come to love the Father more - more than anything."  

Happy Father's Day Daddy! I love you!