Birthday

My Dad and Me 

It has finally happened. I was told it would take a bit of time and well, here I am. The reality of Dad not being with us has finally started to really sink in. The first couple of months have been kind of a haze -- coasting on auto pilot to get through the days. It has been a few weeks since I have looked extensively at pictures of Dad. I thought I was doing okay and then well, three weeks later I am filled with such sorrow.

Dad (second from left) with his brother's.

I was looking for just the right picture for this post because it is Dad's birthday today. And when I have to look at a picture instead of give him a hug, a funny card, a birthday gift, and help him eat the delicious cake most likely purchased from Konditor Meister it makes it even more real that he is not here anymore. But I know and I believe he is in our hearts. Ugh, but on a day like this it just isn't the same!

My two little one's have already discussed how Didi (Croatian for Grandfather) is going to have cake with Jesus and eat tons of it! That image alone makes me laugh out loud. When asked, "How old is Didi Mommy??" I said, "He will be 58." The response, "Oh Mommy, they are going to have to put a lot of candles on his cake!"

There are a lot of "supposed to be's" flying around in my head lately and celebrating Dad's birthday is a big one.

Gabrielle, Mom, and Dad 

Dad and Nick 

I chatted about it with the girls and made sure they were okay with it and we decided to make cards, get some pretty flowers and go to Didi's grave. Oh and of course cupcakes too and have a pretend cupcake with Didi. The girls thought this was the best idea ever (I think partly because they knew they were getting a cupcake) but nevertheless Didi will still have a party and we will honor him this year and let him know we love him endlessly, pray for him daily, and are forever touched by the man he was and the man he now is with the Lord in Heaven.

I find myself trusting in God's plan more each day.  Instead of tirelessly trying to figure out the "Why" in all this, I am seeing more clearly the "How" in how God wants to redeem this for His Glory.

Just tonight I was looking at files in the folder labeled "DMT -2007."  One of the files in that folder was called "Trusting."  I clicked on it and there were different quotes from authors on trust.  This poem touched my heart deeply.  I think I would save it in a file called "trust" just like Dad did if I came across it.  Simply Beautiful.

But God

I know not, but God knows;

Oh, blessed rest from fear!

All my unfolding days

To Him are plain and clear.

Each anxious, puzzled “Why?”

From doubt or dread that grows,

Finds answer in this thought:

I know not, but He knows.

I cannot, but God can;

Oh, balm for all my care!

The burden that I drop

His hand will lift and bear.

Though eagle pinions tire,

I walk where once I ran, This is

my strength to know

I cannot, but He can.

I see not, but God sees;

Oh, all sufficient light!

My dark and hidden way

To Him is always bright.

My strained and peering eyes

May close in restful ease,

And I in peace may sleep;

I see not, but He sees.

-Annie Johnson Flint 1866-1932